Developing Friendships
If you ask any parent about what they want for their children one of the biggest things that comes up is for their kids is to have good friendships. Once your child begins associative play they may be ready to start playing a little more with others. During this stage children begin to see the value of other children in their play although they may not yet play with them. They will play alongside other children observing, copying and sharing play materials. This stage is often seen around three years of age. An example of this is, a group of children are playing blocks on a mat, they are sharing the blocks but making their own individual towers rather than working together to create a tower.
One of the biggest goals of this stage of play and social development is teaching your child that other children are fun and have something to offer them. Up until this point children learn that adults bring the good stuff- food, toys, fun social interactions etc. Adults are also a lot more predictable than other children. This is the time to step back a little a begin to facilitate positive relationships with other children. Some great ways to do this are:
When you play with your child, teach and practice first swapping then turn taking. This will be an essential skill for your child to successfully play with other children. Swapping is a nice place to start as your child will still end up with something.
If your little one has particular trouble giving up favourite toys it may be useful to give them some warning as to when they will be finished. For example, “iPad will be finished in 1 minute”, then a follow up countdown “iPad will be finished in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1”, during this countdown have a less preferred item available and visible to swap- ideally this would be something that self-finishes for example a preferred fruit or food or something that is easier to remove later on. Once this skill begins to develop the trade can be faded to every second time and so on.
Then encourage your little one to take turns or swap items while still playing on his own. For example, they may be playing with five toy cars instead of giving them all up just start by encouraging them to share one.
Think of games that are more fun with two people. For example, playing on a see saw, chase, throwing, rolling or kicking a ball back and forth or races.
Start with introducing one peer to the play and gradually increase the number of peers.
Set up situations where children will need to share for example, a car or ball run with only one car or ball.
Provide lots of praise and encouragement for the social skills that you want to see! Throw a party for good sharing!
If your little one has a particular aversion to other children. Set up situations where their peers can give them a favourite thing. For example, if he has a favourite dinosaur toy ask one of his peers to go and give it to him. This will teach Ezra that peers are valuable and it’s not just adults that provide the good stuff.
This is an exciting developmental stage that can certainly be a challenge for both children and parents. Try as best you can to find the balance between supporting your child to play with their peers and stepping back and letting them figure it out for themselves.