Encouraging Positive Behaviour

We all dream of having a perfectly behaved child, but it is not realistic to expect children to be “well behaved” all of the time- how boring would that be! It is normal to experience a range of emotions across a day/week/month. It’s not realistic to expect to be happy all the time and we can’t expect this of our children. In saying this, there are many things you can do as a parent to encourage behaviour you want to see from your child.

I believe that there is no such thing as a “naughty” child. Children behave in a way that is an accumulation of their previous experiences across various settings (home, school, relatives’ homes) and biological processes. That is, to a large extend children are products of interactions with their environment.

The good news is that we can take some control over this! There are some general things you can do day to day to help support your child.

Positive Praise

It is easy to feel like all you do is reprimand, remind and get frustrated with your child when you need them to do something they might not want to. Similarly, it is so easy to leave your children be when they are playing nicely and quietly as you madly rush to get things done around the house. Until…. there’s fighting or toys thrown and then your back there getting mad and frustrated.

One big piece of advice I give is investing your energy in giving positive praise and encouragement in order to avoid or at least lesson the need for corrections and reprimands. We don’t want our children to learn that the only way they get attention from us is when they do the ‘wrong’ thing. So instead when your kids are doing good stuff like sitting and playing nicely pop in and let them know how happy you are with what they are doing. We need to aim to give significantly more positive praise and encouragement that we do corrections.

Specific Praise

Following on from positive praise it can be helpful to make sure praise is also specific. That is, tell your kids exactly what it is that they are doing well. Rather than just always using the general “good job”, “well done” or “awesome work”. Try and get creative, some examples of this are: “I love it when you share so nicely with your sister”, “That was so amazing how you got dressed as soon as I asked you!” or “I’m so impressed at the way you tried to feed yourself all by yourself!”.

Be Enthusiastic

It might feel a bit silly or uncomfortable but especially for younger children it can make such a difference if you go overboard with the enthusiasm when providing praise. You need to make the difference between desired and undesired behaviours is very clear. When your little one does something great you go over the top with encouragement and praise and when they are doing something you don’t want to see you respond very neutrally.

Overall, as a parent you only have so much time and energy. Day to day you, your children and family as a whole will feel better if you are able to invest more of your time and energy into positive interactions than get frustrated. Please remember that each child is an individual and therefore it is important to make sure you get individualised strategies if you have significant concerns around your child’s behaviour.